The Typical Monday Morning of a Job Hunter

Waking up to the not so pleasant sounds emanating from a nearby mosque, struggling to overcome the voice in my head telling me to lay for a few more minutes. After about two minutes of battling with myself it turned out that I had succumbed to this voice. Well I actually didn’t know I gave in to this voice, at least not until I was awakened by another sound. It wasn’t the mosque now, it was my gangster neighbour who was blasting Rick Ross’ ‘Blowing Money Fast’ through his powerful home theater appliance. This he does as a daily ritual and thanks to him I have memorized the lyrics to the song word for word including the ablibs.

This time I stared straight at my wall clock which had its hour indicator firmly placed on eight (8). What tha f%@#!! I have a job interview by 9 am.
I quickly dashed into the bathroom to carry out the usual clean up which included brushing my dental cavities, bathing and making use of the greatest thinking seat ever made by man, the toilet.
I completed this routine in less than 30 minutes and dashed into my room to get dressed. So I put on my neatly starched and ironed shirt and my chinos pants whose ghettos were sharper than double edged swords. I also put on my socks, shoes and my already knot tie. All these were done in the twinkle of an eye. At this point I felt like the cartoon superhero Flash.
Ready to move out, I picked up my phone and my portfolio and then stepped out of my door only to remember that I had forgotten to put on my wrist watch. So I hurriedly ran into my house like a hungry tiger chasing its prey, picked up my watch and while putting it on I got confused. The time on my watch was 7:40 unlike my wall clock which read 8:40 at that moment. I thus decided to consult my mobile device to confirm this. Lo and behold my phone was in agreement with my wrist watch; that means I have been hurrying up for nothing. What I felt at this time was a mixture of relief and self disappointment.

Cheer up I told my self, this means I have close to an hour more to spend at home before heading out. I then walked to the kitchen, opened the cupboard and brought out two big packs of noodles which had an inscription that best suited my situation “hungry man”.
As an expert chef which I claim to be, it took me just about 15 minutes and my noodles was ready.
Headed back to my room, bowl of noodles in one hand, a fork and a sachet of water in the other; I said a short quiet prayer and boom!! I pounced on the bowl of noodles. Halfway into the meal the electricity distribution company decided to supply us power for the first time in 3 days. Everywhere was rather quiet due to the fact that all the children had left for school, well almost all excluding the ‘perpetual late-comers’ so there was little or nobody to scream the ceremonial ‘UP NEPA’.

Time check, I still had about 30 minutes to spend at home before moving out; So I put on my hunch-backed television set and as I scrolled through the various t.v stations all I saw was news, political discussions, and more news.
I guess this was a bad idea after all so I turned it off, finished my meal and off I went 15 minutes before my planned departure time.

Trekking the short distance from my house to the bustop I couldn’t help but keep praying that an ongoing vehicle do not spray me some of the muddy water contained in the crevices of the dilapidated road.
Finally I got to the bustop and after a little bargaining with the bus conductor I hopped into the front seat which happens to be my favorite seat in public buses so as to prevent stains and squeezes on my shirt.
In less than 3 minutes the bus was full and we took off. The bus driver then turned on his traditional Calabar music which caused an uproar as majority of the passengers were in opposition to this. After a few exchange of abuses between both parties, the driver finally turned it off and the rest of the journey was travelled in peace.
As impossible as it felt, I reached my destination within 15 minutes instead of the 30 minutes I mapped out. This leaves me arriving 25 minutes before time; every firm loves a punctual employee don’t they?
I alighted the vehicle and crossed to the other side of the road then stepped into the company’s premises with faith hoping that today would be my lucky day.

Written by Dozie Amanze (RO)