I’m not going to just start writing and act like I did not take a one year long hiatus from the act. Not that I haven’t been writing at all, but over the last year it’s been more educational and school/profession inclined write ups like exams, tests… Lol just kidding. But seriously I wrote a few engineering pieces, won a few professional body competitions (still haven’t received my prize for the last one but it’s cool).
Pardon me, I just had to sell my market small.
Let me kick off with this disclaimer: This piece has nothing to do with the APC (pun intended). With that out of the way… Let’s go! 😎
The subject for today’s piece is one which I’m sure a lot of people can relate to like a cousin (Bars!! 😁 M.I taught me that). You can’t spend a week in Lagos and not experience it, except you don’t buy stuff or don’t engage in any form of cash transactions.
For those who may not be familiar with the “I don’t have change” term I would attempt at defining it.
“I don’t have change” is that phrase which is usually dished out by a typical Nigerian store sales person or cashier when you make a purchase and they don’t have certain cash denominations to give you your total balance, so they give you part of the balance.
A quick example: Say you go to a store with a thousand Naira note and make a purchase of 150 naira, and they don’t have the cash denominations to give you 850 naira so the salesperson tell you Sir/Madam I don’t have change.
Sometimes the conversation ends there and you’d be left to find an alternative, or in some cases you would be given part of your balance, say 700 naira and then the salesperson tells you “eh sir, please I will owe you 150”, as though that isn’t enough they take it a step further to give you suggestions, you can come back later to collect it or you can buy something else, we have gala, or yoghurt.
And while all these statements and suggestions and what not are being thrown at me I’m just standing there like 50 cent with 21 questions running through my mind –
Why do you want to owe me?
Do you even know me?
Why should I buy gala?
Do I look like Harrisong?
And why do you think I would like yoghurt?
Do I look thirsty to you?
But all these are in my head, In reality I only have two choices, take their suggestions or take my money and walk away.
This “I don’t have change issue” can be annoying and frustrating to the point that you would have money but still won’t be able to buy what you need. Mans (it’s not a typo… It’s a new lingo; get with it) would be with 1k and still not be able to buy bottled water to drink. Doubt me? Trying buying bottled water with 1k note from a Yoruba (no dis-respek) woman’s store tomorrow, I bet money on it you would get cursed out. I bet the entire N6753.14 in my bank account. YOU WILL GET CURSED OUT!
If she’s a nice person, she would just ignore you or hit you with the “If dem send you to me this morning, tell them you did not see me” line.
Another segment of this topic I would like to highlight is the “your change remains N20 part”. Lord knows of all the 20 naira balance I have forfeited in my lifetime were accumulated it would be enough to get me a G Wagon….. or maybe not. But you get my point. I still left N20 with the Keke driver yesterday, and I’m certain I’m not the only one who does this, I’m sure you do too. Yes, you.
I’ve been playing the disgruntled customer all through this article, let me for a brief moment view this issue from the store owner’s perspective.
I come to my store in the morning, open shop, “shed my markeeeet, and the first customer comes with 1k to buy something worth N50,i sell to him and settle his balance from the left over cash from yesterday, this goes on for the next 5 customers and I eventually run out of “change”. The next person who comes to buy something of that same pattern, I have no choice but to hit em with “I don’t have change”. And when the customer goes “Oga you no fit ask your neighbor or go find change” chances are I would snap! Probably curse them out like “Make I go find change? You see me carry broom for hand? I resemble APC? Or shey na change I come Lagos come find? Nwanne be kiafu dia! Take time!”. (lol 😂)
It should also be noted that many store owners make less sales due to the inadequate availability of “change”, i.e. when they tell a customer I don’t have change, he drops the goods, takes back his cash and leaves – There goes another lost customer.
Seeing that the “change issue favours neither the buyer nor the seller, so who/what would we put the blame on since we can’t blame the store owner nor the young man with 1k note trying to buy water?
Here comes the Plot Twist! (Nigerian home video soundtrack playing in the background)
*In Jamie Foxx’ voice* Blame it on the ah ah ah ah ah A.T.M (so you actually thought I’d say alcohol.. 😦 Smh)
Yeah, blame it on the ATM for dispensing mostly 1000 naira notes. Finding an ATM which dispenses 500 naira notes these days is hard!, speak more of smaller denominations like 200 and 100 naira notes.
If you know an ATM that dispenses 100 or 200 naira notes hit me up I would like to… Nah don’t even bother, you’ll never find.
Having put the blame on the ATM, do I have a solution to the problem? Nope!
Then why did I write this since I’m not preferring a solution?
I wrote this for the same reason you read it. Go figure! *drops mic!*
Ro.
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